Here are some "modern" philosphies for everyday life :)

Warning Signs of Insanity.....

~ You write to your mother in Germany every week, even though she sends you mail from Iowa asking why you never write.
~ You're always having to apologize to your next door neighbor for setting fire to his lawn decorations.
~ Nobody listens to you anymore, because they can't understand you through that scuba mask.
~ You begin to stop and consider all of the blades of grass you've stepped on as a child, and worry that their ancestors are going to one day seek revenge.
~ You have meaningful conversations with your toaster.
~ You collect dead windowsill flies.
~ Every time the phone rings, you shout, "Hey! An angel just got its wings!"
~ You like cats. Especially with mayo.
~ You cry at the end of every episode of Gilligan's Island, because they weren't rescued.
~ You put tennis balls in the microwave to see if they'll hatch.
~ Whenever you listen to the radio, the music sounds backwards.
~ You have a predominant fear of fabric softener.
~ You wake up each morning and find yourself sitting on your head in the middle of your front lawn.
~ Your dentist asks you why each individual tooth has your name etched on it, and you tell him it's for security reasons.
~ Melba toast excites you.
~ When the waiter asks for your order, you ask to go into another room to tell him, because "the napkins have ears."
~ You tend to agree with everything your mother's dead uncle tells you.
~ You call up random people and ask if you can borrow their dog, just for a few minutes.
~ Your main goal in life is to become the president of Bulemia.
~ Nearly everything you say involves the word, "P-toing!"
~ You argue with yourself about which is better, to be eaten by a koala or to be loved by an infectious disease.
~ You like to sit in cornfields for prolonged periods of time, and pretend that you're a stalk.
~ You think that exploding wouldn't be so bad, once you got used to it.
~ People offer you help, but you unfortunately interpret this as a violation of your rights as a boysenberry.

Maybe we were meant to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back! Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours.

It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who make you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!

Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of
everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

Read this carefully, it really means alot. Enjoy it.

1. Never welcome something you cannot entertain. Never open your doors if you mean to close your heart. Never accept love if you can't give yourself in return. Never start a relationship you know you want to end.

2. Two of the shortest words in the English language are "YES" and "NO" and yet they are often the ones that require the most thought before they are said.

3. Some thoughts are better left unsaid, some feelings are better left kept to yourself, but love has its way of
expressing itself despite the silence.

4. Always say you are sorry to people you have wronged. Remember, it is not always what you say that hurts, but the
words that you don't.

5. Never abandon an old friend. You will never find one who can take his place.

6. Friendship is like wine, it gets better as it grows older.

7. Disappointments are like road humps, they slow you down a bit but you enjoy the smooth road afterwards. Don't stay on the humps too long. Move on!

8. When you feel down because you didn't get what you want, just sit tight and be happy, because God is thinking of something better to give you.

9. When something happens to you, good or bad, consider what it means.

10. There's a purpose to life's events, to teach you how to laugh more or not to cry too hard.

11. You can't make someone love you, all you can do is be someone who can be loved, the rest is up to the person to
realize your worth.

12. Life is a coin. You can spend it any way you wish, but you can spend it only once.

13. Five rules to be happy.
1) Free your heart from hatred.
2) Free your mind from worries.
3) Live simply.
4) Give more.
5) Expect less.

14. What the heart gives away is never gone... It is kept in the hearts of others.

15. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risks. Secure a special place in your heart. A certain place only you can enter. For there will come a time when you need to find yourself and only your heart will show you the way.

16. The measure of love is when you love without measure.

17. In life there are very rare chances that you'll meet the person you love and loves you in return. So once you have it don't ever let go, the chance might never come your way again.

18. People are made to be loved and things are made to be used. That's why there's so much chaos in the world... people are being used and things are being loved.

19. You cannot finish a book without closing its chapters. If you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages of life.

20. Every commitment is a choice. Non-choosers and half-choosers are a puzzle to themselves and to others. They live in the immature condition of wanting to "play everything by ear."

21. Every once in a while ask yourself the question: If money weren't a consideration, what would I like to be doing?

22. It's better to lose your pride to the one you love, than to lose the one you love because of pride.

23. We spend so much time looking for the right person to love or finding fault with those we already love, when instead we should be perfecting the love we give.

24. When you truly care for someone, you don't look for faults, you don't look for answers, you don't look for mistakes. Instead, you fight the mistakes, you accept the faults, and you overlook excuses.

T-shirt sayings for women

I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day.

Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.

Remember my name - you'll be screaming it later.

Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?

I'm multi-talented: I can talk and tick you off at the same time

Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.

You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP!

Guys have feelings too. But like...who cares?

Next mood swing... 6 minutes.

I hate everybody and you're next

Please don't make me kill you.

And your point is...?

All stressed out and no one to choke.

I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people

How can I miss you if you won't go away?

Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.

There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.